Flying Sperm and Floaters

Flying Sperm!

Okay, this is not really my story to tell, but it is on my mind almost daily, so here goes.

My mother attended an all-girls Catholic high school. One of the mousiest, most nervous and awkward nuns was assigned the unwelcome duty of providing sex education.

This nun decided that to minimize embarrassment, she would place an empty coffee can on her desk, and anyone who had a question could put it into the can anonymously and each week they would take some questions out of the can and answer them.

So the first week went by, and the coffee can got pretty full. The time came for the first class session, and the nun pulled the first question from the can and read, “What is masturbation?”

Sister turned bright pink and asked if anyone in the class had an answer to that question. No one did. So they decided they’d come back to it later.

The second question was someone messing with the nun by asking, “What if you’re just walking down the street, and a flying sperm lands on you and you get pregnant?”

At this, the Sister ended the class. Permanently. And for weeks the girls carried cans of raid and fly swatters and whatnot to “protect themselves”. The Sister requested that the anonymous questioner come to speak with her privately, but naturally she never came forward.

So, why, do you ask, am I thinking of flying sperm all the time?

Well, I am getting old (I’ll turn 35 late this summer). I have a few floaters now. And one of them looks like this *warning: bad paint drawing to follow*:


I mean it seriously even looks like you can see the genetic material and everything.

If I point my eyes all the way to my right, I can see that bugger. When I try to focus on it, it “swims” across my field of vision and disappears off to my left. Flying Sperm!!


9 Responses

  1. If anybody had told me that tales of my incredibly ludicrous and woefully inadequate sex education would someday be documented on the WWW, I’d have said they were crazy. Is nothing sacred? Et tu, Heather? πŸ˜‰

  2. LOL! Yes, I can see why it would be distracting — even more so than floaters usually are.

  3. Wow, you had me locked in tight at “Flying Sperm!” If ever a phrase was deserving of large font, bold face, underlining and and exclaimation point, “Flying Sperm!” would be the one. Thank you for giving the phrase its due.

    Please pass on to your mother that I laughed out loud at this post, and therefore her woefully inadequate sex education has ended up being good for something after all.

    Nice to meet you! Mags.

  4. Hi, Mags!

    I think the single most interesting thing I’ve learned from this post is that my blog has gotten one or two hits every day since I posted it from people searching specifically for “Flying Sperm” in search engines.

    Who are these people? Why are they searching for flying sperm? And what are they actually hoping to find when they do?

    My curiosity led me to become one of these people who google “flying sperm”. And I am pleased to report that my blog is the number one hit. It’s good to be on top.

    And I will tell my mommer that her adolescence has now served a higher purpose. πŸ™‚

  5. Well, I wasn’t searching for flying sperm… I followed you through a tag about adverbs and landed here. The people sitting around me in the coffee shop are wondering why I am laughing out loud, all by myself here.

    No flying sperm in my field of vision yet, knock on wood. I am going to get myself a flyswatter just in case, though.

  6. qugrainne– wise decision on the flyswatter. But I don’t believe you for a moment about the adverbs. *snort*

    Lolly, lolly, lolly… πŸ˜‰

  7. That’s a question to ponder.

    I see one of them too. . when I close my eyes.

  8. Hey there just wanted to give you a quick heads up and let you know a few of the images aren’t loading correctly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different internet browsers and both show the same outcome.

  9. This had me laughing out loud!

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