The Sexiest Man Alive

On my way to work this morning, the disk jockeys were discussing the sexiest man alive. And it reminded me of a story…

First, a bit of background:

There’s an old movie my mommer especially loves called “Come Blow Your Horn” in which Frank Sinatra plays a playboy juggling dozens of women.

When his date rings the doorbell, he shouts through the door, “And for my third wish, O Genie, when I open this door, let the most beautiful woman in the world be standing on the other side.”

Fifteen years ago when I was an undergrad, I had a long distance romance with a guy at Stanford University. I met him online through a poetry “newsgroup” when those were brand new. Critiquing each other’s poems led to emails and then to letters and phone calls. I did meet him once on a week-long trip to California, but otherwise we weren’t even in the same time zone for the duration of our silly virtual fling.

He worked as the resident techy guru in the Stanford computer labs, which closed at midnight. Since I was in deep smit (and had a private dorm room), I encouraged him to call me when he got home, even though the time difference made it well after 2 am.

One night, my phone rang at 2:30 in the morning. Feeling cute I answered, “And for my third wish, O Genie, let the person calling me now be the sexiest man on the face of the earth.”

And a deep stranger’s voice said, “Damn, girl! What the hell kinda number is this?”

And I hung up.

So, in case you were wondering, the sexiest man on the face of the earth circa 1993 was evidently a deep-voiced, African-American man who was probably dating a student in the Florida Avenue Residence Hall at the University of Illinois.

Sadly, we may never know the identity of this sexy man. If you or anyone you know has any information on this gripping case, please contact me.

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Elevator Etiquette: A Rising Problem

Dear Citizens of the Industrialized World,

We need to have a quick word about elevators.

No, not elevator pitches.  I know that’s where you thought I was going with this, but my goal is much more simple.

Here’s a typical elevator:

While an elevator is a fabulous and useful piece of technology, it is not quite as advanced as some of you seem to think. In other words, it is not a magical one-way portal to another location. (Seriously.)

Also, elevators have been wildly successful in capturing the attention of the masses with their shiny metal facades and prominently displayed signage. The odds that YOU are the ONLY person who may have interest in riding one are pretty slim.

Therefore, I’d like to ask you to please refrain from THUNDERING on board the moment the doors open. It’s just possible someone might want to get OFF the elevator where you are.

At no point should your nose poke through the two-inch wide split of the doors while you wait to board, unless you are fleeing from Armageddon. And if you are fleeing from Armageddon, you really should take the stairs. 😉

Although I love a good challenge, I do not need to add Climbing Over You to my list of things to do today. I’d also wager that having your feet stepped on and your ribs elbowed isn’t on your top ten favorite things either.

So until they invent the Wonkavator, just hold on to your horses for a few seconds, m’kay?

With Grateful Smooches,

H. L. Dyer, AKA Kiddoc