Dear Citizens of the Industrialized World,
We need to have a quick word about elevators.
No, not elevator pitches. I know that’s where you thought I was going with this, but my goal is much more simple.
Here’s a typical elevator:
While an elevator is a fabulous and useful piece of technology, it is not quite as advanced as some of you seem to think. In other words, it is not a magical one-way portal to another location. (Seriously.)
Also, elevators have been wildly successful in capturing the attention of the masses with their shiny metal facades and prominently displayed signage. The odds that YOU are the ONLY person who may have interest in riding one are pretty slim.
Therefore, I’d like to ask you to please refrain from THUNDERING on board the moment the doors open. It’s just possible someone might want to get OFF the elevator where you are.
At no point should your nose poke through the two-inch wide split of the doors while you wait to board, unless you are fleeing from Armageddon. And if you are fleeing from Armageddon, you really should take the stairs. 😉
Although I love a good challenge, I do not need to add Climbing Over You to my list of things to do today. I’d also wager that having your feet stepped on and your ribs elbowed isn’t on your top ten favorite things either.
So until they invent the Wonkavator, just hold on to your horses for a few seconds, m’kay?
With Grateful Smooches,
H. L. Dyer, AKA Kiddoc
Filed under: musings | Tagged: H. L. Dyer, Heather Dyer, kiddoc, musings, Silly Stuff, what's up with that?, Wonka |
H. L. Dyer's Weblog 
I like to stand at the front of the elevator, hands leaning no either side, and then wait for the doors to open and for someone to try to go through me. Good lord, how does one think they can go through ME? I don’t get it. And then I usually say something like “How exactly did you expect that to work? How about you let folks off the elevator first? Hmm?” I hate people.
Ugh. That drives me nuts. When that happens and one of my kids is nearby, I loudly instruct my child NOT to stand in front of the doors and to wait until people get off the elevator before storming it.
My kids are used to this by now and know I’m doing for either the benefit of the people already blocking the entrance, or the ones charging the doors once it opens.
One time, one of my kids even blurted out to a guy pushing onto the elevator before anyone could get off, “Hey, you should have let us get off first before you got on. That’s rude, Mister.”
Well, after I stopped giggling, we had to talk about the fact that two rudes don’t make a polite. Gah. When will it end?
Too funny. Although I think this posting needs a part two where you discuss the lost art of holding the door for someone who is trying to catch the elevator.
*snort*