Wisconsin Travelogue– A Twitter-esque Eureka

So, I survived 36 hours sans internet this weekend.  And I realized what the theoretical point of Twitter is, although I don’t think it can work that way in practice.

One of the Blog Chain Gang, Leah Clifford recently posted her writing schedule and I had a Eureka Moment.  That’s what twitter should be like… except that you seldom have the time and/or opportunity to be twittering along the way when these sort of things go down.

My overnight trip with my mommer to Wisconsin would have twittered well, but for the fact I had no internet access or phone service and was too busy to be twittering it anyway.

If I could have twittered, it would have gone something like this:

Friday:

  • 9:07  Mommer arrives and hands me mapquest directions to Mineral Point, WI.  They run two full pages not including the map.
  • 9:16  Missed a turn already due to gabbing.  Computing alternate route.
  • 9:31  Street not labeled.  Missed another turn.
  • 9:39  Back on track and painstakingly following directions.
  • 9:47  Realize we’ve passed “Peace Road” 3 times.  Not feeling remotely peaceful.  Begin dissecting mapquest directions.
  • 9:49  Mapquest directions definitively proven to suck donkey balls.  Wrestling atlas out of back seat.
  • 9:51  No major city nearby means no streets near us are labeled.  Flinging useless atlas into back seat.
  • 9:54  Moving to Plan B: Keep Going North and West Until We Get There
  • 10:02  Caught train.  Enjoying graffiti art.
  • 10:04  Noticed a graffiti artist has written “Snake” on several cars.  Now shouting “Snakes on a Train” each time.
  • 10:32  On identifiable road and pointed in right direction. Yay.
  • 11:28  Crossing Wisconsin border
  • 12:18  Amish man reined in 4 horses at the end of a driveway so we can pass.  He waves.  Waving back.
  • 1:12  Arrive in Mineral Point, WI where 2500 reported friendly souls should be welcoming us.
  • 1:14  Finish cruising main strip and pull into brewery parking lot.
  • 1:16  Mommer wants to check into hotel.  I asked for hotel address.  Turns out, she has not made reservations.
  • 1:19  Thumbing though printed guide to choose hotel at random.
  • 1:21  Driving aimlessly as Mommer has only printed part of the town map.
  • 1:26  Passing park featuring large resin lion with open mouth for you to stick your head in.
  • 1:34  Located hotel in question which seems vaguely terrifying.  Mommer is encouraged by the Mobil Travel Guide label on the door until I point out it’s from 1988.
  • 1:35  Heading back to main strip in search of lunch and advice from “helpful and friendly” souls purported to be Mineral Point residents.
  • 1:50  Mommer is ordering the specialty dish… something called “pasty” that rhymes with nasty. I’m sticking with roast beef.
  • 2:25  Mommer asks waitress where we should stay.  Waitress is not so friendly.  Or helpful.
  • 2:26  Turns out there’s no cell phone signal in Mineral Point, so we cannot call hotels.
  • 2:30  Heading for only hotel with more than 3 rooms in the area.
  • 2:45  Hotel has no rooms, due to the Mineral Point Cornish Festival this weekend.  Front desk guy also not helpful or friendly.
  • 2:48  Standing in lobby, trying to pick up wifi signal on palm pilot to search for hotels.  No luck.
  • 2:50  Mommer announces we’re going to the Dells.
  • 3:00  Found road out of town.  God affirms our choice almost immediately by showing us a sign. A billboard sign, actually for this place:

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The Mustard Museum is home to… wait for it… Poupon U.

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  • 3:18  Both Mommer and I suffering from severe heartburn.  Suspecting “friendly” Mineral Point people have tried to poison us.
  • 4:38  Arrived in Wisconsin Dells.  Staring nervously at the post-apocolyptically empty streets and shops.
  • 4:43 Searching for fudge.  For medicinal purposes.
  • 4:45 Discovered cell phones work in the Dells.  Calling Mr. Kiddoc to report our change in venue.
  • 4:51 Mr. Kiddoc now aware not to worry about us if Mineral Point is wiped off the map in a freak accident, which would serve them right anyway. nullMommer has run out of strip to cruise for candy stores.
  • Mommer pulls into parking lot to turn around and discovers it belongs to a “Gentlemen’s Club”.  Mr. Kiddoc reminds us to take pictures.  null
  • 4:59 Followed flashing “Fudge” sign, convinced that it could not be so cruel as to be closed.
  • 5:09 Medicinal fudge purchased and travel guides obtained.
  • 5:11  Plugging ear to block out vomiting sound effects from nearby “haunted house” while phoning hotels.
  • 5:16  Hotel on river is all booked up, which fundamentally conflicts with the 7 apparent tourists visible on the main drag on Friday evening.
  • 5:28  Hotel previously-on-lake-but-now-on-weedy-meadow has vacancy.  Woot.
  • 6:24  Heartburn worsening.  Cheezy souvenir shopping halted in favor of quest for antacid.
  • 6:41  Tums obtained and dispensed to all troops. Decision made to retreat.
  • 7:14  Checked into hotel on what used to be man-made Lake Delton.
  • 7:15  Troops have recovered enough for administration of medicinal fudge.
  • 7:20  View from room confirms that, when it comes to making lakes, God is much better at it.
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