Nutty Enough Already

So, today, I was making my way in darkness to work.  It is a long drive, even at 5:30 in the morning.  Usually I gratefully spend this time in my own head, thinking out plotlines or revision ideas.  But today was not one of those days.  Sliding through the darkness, my gaze focused where my headlights struck the bumper in front of me.

I found myself behind a pick-up truck for most of my commute today.  That, in and of itself is not remarkable, as I live far enough west of Chicago to be forced to crawl along the single lane highway behind oversized farm machines from time to time.  Trucks are the rule, rather than the exception, often slathered with bumper stickers stating “I Just Got a Gun for My Wife: Best Trade I Ever Made!” or “My Kid Beat Up Your Honor Student.”

Macho is definitely an In Thing in the rural area surrounding my ‘hood.  But this was the first time I’d seen it taken to this level…

Yes, that’s correct. This particular owner felt his truck required a swinging set of balls.

So, okay… this brings up a quirk I did NOT discuss during the Quirky Blog Chain last week.

When I’m driving behind a large truck or van, I get the sensation that I’m part of an elephant caravan.

The rear view of a semi looks vaguely like an elephant’s backside to me:

I know no one else has this problem but me, but there’s just no help for it.  That’s what I see (Please excuse the crudity of this model; I didn’t have time to build it to scale or to paint it):

For the record…

I do NOT need any attachments on trucks to make them look MORE like a giant animal in front of me.

And I do NOT need to wonder what, exactly elephant balls would look like anyway.

I’m just sayin’.

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8 Responses

  1. Absolutely rolling on the floor! And since I live in redneckville, and these are on quite a few trucks around here, I’m sure I will think of you every time I see them…well, you know what I mean 😀 Actually, I will probably be thinking of elephants every time I see them. Oye, I think I’ll just try NOT to see them and save myself some painful mental images 😀

  2. i will never be able to be behind a semi again and not giggle. thank you.

  3. I don’t know how you haven’t gone insane yet. I cannot follow trucks. It is against everything I stand for in fast driving. You are a saint. 🙂

    Love the elephant/semi truck! I’ll never be the same driver again!

  4. You are SO cracking me up. Trucks have now taken on a whole new meaning.

  5. LOL! I have never before seen that exact *ahem* vehicle ornament, and if you hadn’t included the picture I don’t know that I would have truly believed that it existed! Too funny – thanks for the laugh!

  6. Well, I can truthfully say that I never anticipated googling “Truck Balls”, nor the overwhelming selection of products that would present themselves when I did.

    I was afraid to click on any of the hits, but I can tell you from the image search… they are available in a staggering array of colors and there are apparently some that can hook into your brake system and light up.

    From the picture label, I gather that the latter are called “Ball Brakers”.

  7. Heather, I want you to know that when Jon Stewart started talking about truck nuts on The Daily Show, I immediately thought of you. ❤

  8. Ah, Clara… my life’s dream fulfilled at last! *snort*

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