So, I survived 36 hours sans internet this weekend. And I realized what the theoretical point of Twitter is, although I don’t think it can work that way in practice.
One of the Blog Chain Gang, Leah Clifford recently posted her writing schedule and I had a Eureka Moment. That’s what twitter should be like… except that you seldom have the time and/or opportunity to be twittering along the way when these sort of things go down.
My overnight trip with my mommer to Wisconsin would have twittered well, but for the fact I had no internet access or phone service and was too busy to be twittering it anyway.
If I could have twittered, it would have gone something like this:
- 9:07 Mommer arrives and hands me mapquest directions to Mineral Point, WI. They run two full pages not including the map.
- 9:16 Missed a turn already due to gabbing. Computing alternate route.
- 9:31 Street not labeled. Missed another turn.
- 9:39 Back on track and painstakingly following directions.
- 9:47 Realize we’ve passed “Peace Road” 3 times. Not feeling remotely peaceful. Begin dissecting mapquest directions.
- 9:49 Mapquest directions definitively proven to suck donkey balls. Wrestling atlas out of back seat.
- 9:51 No major city nearby means no streets near us are labeled. Flinging useless atlas into back seat.
- 9:54 Moving to Plan B: Keep Going North and West Until We Get There
- 10:02 Caught train. Enjoying graffiti art.
- 10:04 Noticed a graffiti artist has written “Snake” on several cars. Now shouting “Snakes on a Train” each time.
- 10:32 On identifiable road and pointed in right direction. Yay.
- 11:28 Crossing Wisconsin border
- 12:18 Amish man reined in 4 horses at the end of a driveway so we can pass. He waves. Waving back.
- 1:12 Arrive in Mineral Point, WI where 2500 reported friendly souls should be welcoming us.
- 1:14 Finish cruising main strip and pull into brewery parking lot.
- 1:16 Mommer wants to check into hotel. I asked for hotel address. Turns out, she has not made reservations.
- 1:19 Thumbing though printed guide to choose hotel at random.
- 1:21 Driving aimlessly as Mommer has only printed part of the town map.
- 1:26 Passing park featuring large resin lion with open mouth for you to stick your head in.
- 1:34 Located hotel in question which seems vaguely terrifying. Mommer is encouraged by the Mobil Travel Guide label on the door until I point out it’s from 1988.
- 1:35 Heading back to main strip in search of lunch and advice from “helpful and friendly” souls purported to be Mineral Point residents.
- 1:50 Mommer is ordering the specialty dish… something called “pasty” that rhymes with nasty. I’m sticking with roast beef.
- 2:25 Mommer asks waitress where we should stay. Waitress is not so friendly. Or helpful.
- 2:26 Turns out there’s no cell phone signal in Mineral Point, so we cannot call hotels.
- 2:30 Heading for only hotel with more than 3 rooms in the area.
- 2:45 Hotel has no rooms, due to the Mineral Point Cornish Festival this weekend. Front desk guy also not helpful or friendly.
- 2:48 Standing in lobby, trying to pick up wifi signal on palm pilot to search for hotels. No luck.
- 2:50 Mommer announces we’re going to the Dells.
- 3:00 Found road out of town. God affirms our choice almost immediately by showing us a sign. A billboard sign, actually for this place:
The Mustard Museum is home to… wait for it… Poupon U.
- 3:18 Both Mommer and I suffering from severe heartburn. Suspecting “friendly” Mineral Point people have tried to poison us.
- 4:38 Arrived in Wisconsin Dells. Staring nervously at the post-apocolyptically empty streets and shops.
- 4:43 Searching for fudge. For medicinal purposes.
- 4:45 Discovered cell phones work in the Dells. Calling Mr. Kiddoc to report our change in venue.
- 4:51 Mr. Kiddoc now aware not to worry about us if Mineral Point is wiped off the map in a freak accident, which would serve them right anyway. Mommer has run out of strip to cruise for candy stores.
- Mommer pulls into parking lot to turn around and discovers it belongs to a “Gentlemen’s Club”. Mr. Kiddoc reminds us to take pictures.
- 4:59 Followed flashing “Fudge” sign, convinced that it could not be so cruel as to be closed.
- 5:09 Medicinal fudge purchased and travel guides obtained.
- 5:11 Plugging ear to block out vomiting sound effects from nearby “haunted house” while phoning hotels.
- 5:16 Hotel on river is all booked up, which fundamentally conflicts with the 7 apparent tourists visible on the main drag on Friday evening.
- 5:28 Hotel previously-on-lake-but-now-on-weedy-meadow has vacancy. Woot.
- 6:24 Heartburn worsening. Cheezy souvenir shopping halted in favor of quest for antacid.
- 6:41 Tums obtained and dispensed to all troops. Decision made to retreat.
- 7:14 Checked into hotel on what used to be man-made Lake Delton.
- 7:15 Troops have recovered enough for administration of medicinal fudge.
- 7:20 View from room confirms that, when it comes to making lakes, God is much better at it.