Wisconsin Travelogue– A Twitter-esque Eureka

So, I survived 36 hours sans internet this weekend.  And I realized what the theoretical point of Twitter is, although I don’t think it can work that way in practice.

One of the Blog Chain Gang, Leah Clifford recently posted her writing schedule and I had a Eureka Moment.  That’s what twitter should be like… except that you seldom have the time and/or opportunity to be twittering along the way when these sort of things go down.

My overnight trip with my mommer to Wisconsin would have twittered well, but for the fact I had no internet access or phone service and was too busy to be twittering it anyway.

If I could have twittered, it would have gone something like this:

Friday:

  • 9:07  Mommer arrives and hands me mapquest directions to Mineral Point, WI.  They run two full pages not including the map.
  • 9:16  Missed a turn already due to gabbing.  Computing alternate route.
  • 9:31  Street not labeled.  Missed another turn.
  • 9:39  Back on track and painstakingly following directions.
  • 9:47  Realize we’ve passed “Peace Road” 3 times.  Not feeling remotely peaceful.  Begin dissecting mapquest directions.
  • 9:49  Mapquest directions definitively proven to suck donkey balls.  Wrestling atlas out of back seat.
  • 9:51  No major city nearby means no streets near us are labeled.  Flinging useless atlas into back seat.
  • 9:54  Moving to Plan B: Keep Going North and West Until We Get There
  • 10:02  Caught train.  Enjoying graffiti art.
  • 10:04  Noticed a graffiti artist has written “Snake” on several cars.  Now shouting “Snakes on a Train” each time.
  • 10:32  On identifiable road and pointed in right direction. Yay.
  • 11:28  Crossing Wisconsin border
  • 12:18  Amish man reined in 4 horses at the end of a driveway so we can pass.  He waves.  Waving back.
  • 1:12  Arrive in Mineral Point, WI where 2500 reported friendly souls should be welcoming us.
  • 1:14  Finish cruising main strip and pull into brewery parking lot.
  • 1:16  Mommer wants to check into hotel.  I asked for hotel address.  Turns out, she has not made reservations.
  • 1:19  Thumbing though printed guide to choose hotel at random.
  • 1:21  Driving aimlessly as Mommer has only printed part of the town map.
  • 1:26  Passing park featuring large resin lion with open mouth for you to stick your head in.
  • 1:34  Located hotel in question which seems vaguely terrifying.  Mommer is encouraged by the Mobil Travel Guide label on the door until I point out it’s from 1988.
  • 1:35  Heading back to main strip in search of lunch and advice from “helpful and friendly” souls purported to be Mineral Point residents.
  • 1:50  Mommer is ordering the specialty dish… something called “pasty” that rhymes with nasty. I’m sticking with roast beef.
  • 2:25  Mommer asks waitress where we should stay.  Waitress is not so friendly.  Or helpful.
  • 2:26  Turns out there’s no cell phone signal in Mineral Point, so we cannot call hotels.
  • 2:30  Heading for only hotel with more than 3 rooms in the area.
  • 2:45  Hotel has no rooms, due to the Mineral Point Cornish Festival this weekend.  Front desk guy also not helpful or friendly.
  • 2:48  Standing in lobby, trying to pick up wifi signal on palm pilot to search for hotels.  No luck.
  • 2:50  Mommer announces we’re going to the Dells.
  • 3:00  Found road out of town.  God affirms our choice almost immediately by showing us a sign. A billboard sign, actually for this place:

Photobucket

The Mustard Museum is home to… wait for it… Poupon U.

Photobucket

  • 3:18  Both Mommer and I suffering from severe heartburn.  Suspecting “friendly” Mineral Point people have tried to poison us.
  • 4:38  Arrived in Wisconsin Dells.  Staring nervously at the post-apocolyptically empty streets and shops.
  • 4:43 Searching for fudge.  For medicinal purposes.
  • 4:45 Discovered cell phones work in the Dells.  Calling Mr. Kiddoc to report our change in venue.
  • 4:51 Mr. Kiddoc now aware not to worry about us if Mineral Point is wiped off the map in a freak accident, which would serve them right anyway. nullMommer has run out of strip to cruise for candy stores.
  • Mommer pulls into parking lot to turn around and discovers it belongs to a “Gentlemen’s Club”.  Mr. Kiddoc reminds us to take pictures.  null
  • 4:59 Followed flashing “Fudge” sign, convinced that it could not be so cruel as to be closed.
  • 5:09 Medicinal fudge purchased and travel guides obtained.
  • 5:11  Plugging ear to block out vomiting sound effects from nearby “haunted house” while phoning hotels.
  • 5:16  Hotel on river is all booked up, which fundamentally conflicts with the 7 apparent tourists visible on the main drag on Friday evening.
  • 5:28  Hotel previously-on-lake-but-now-on-weedy-meadow has vacancy.  Woot.
  • 6:24  Heartburn worsening.  Cheezy souvenir shopping halted in favor of quest for antacid.
  • 6:41  Tums obtained and dispensed to all troops. Decision made to retreat.
  • 7:14  Checked into hotel on what used to be man-made Lake Delton.
  • 7:15  Troops have recovered enough for administration of medicinal fudge.
  • 7:20  View from room confirms that, when it comes to making lakes, God is much better at it.
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6 Responses

  1. LMAO!!!! Sounds like a great trip! 😀

  2. ROTFL! This sounds exactly like what I go through with my family. I LOVE how you call your mom “mommer”. That is uber-awesome. 😀

  3. LMAO! LOVE IT!!! Totally approved 😀

  4. AWESOME!!! You were in Wisconsin Dells pretty much just a mile or two away from my own parents. How cool. That’s where my parents live.

  5. Nicely told!
    Too bad you got the nasty waitress.
    Next time try the old Royal Inn or Brewery Creek.
    Or Four. Incredible locovore feeds.
    In the Dells the Del-Bar, Fields at the Wilderness and
    the Embers are 4star. Fudge & Mustard don’t go well, no matter what Barry (at the Mustard Museum) says.

    Check out the website for other great people’s choice destinations — approved for mommers too!
    Cheers!

  6. I read your posts for quite a long time and must tell you that your articles are always valuable to readers.

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