So, my husband and I went to see the most recent Mummy movie. It was highly entertaining and the kind of movie that really makes you think…
Highly entertaining because so much of it was ridiculous beyond suspension of disbelief. And because of the enormity of the suck-itude of the majority of the acting on display. I laughed uproariously throughout the picture, much to the chagrin of the disgruntled other audience members who could not see the humor in the awesome awfulness.
But it DID really make me think.
Spoilers ahead. Sort of. It’s already sort of pre-spoiled.
This movie made me think things like:
- If Rachel Weitz was not available or (more likely) not interested, why didn’t they just kill off her character? Why did they try to pull the soap opera/sitcom switcheroo?
- Especially when the replacement lady neither looked nor acted like the character she was replacing. And had a hard time with the accent. And zero chemistry with Brendan Fraser.
- If the king can transport into a huge, unbeatable dragon at whim, why doesn’t he stay that way until the battle is over? Why does he keep transforming back into a dude and standing around looking pissed off?
- Why does the king have complete control over all the elements sometimes, and other times– when controlling the elements would come in handy, say whipping up a windstorm around their opponents in the final battle or, I dunno, setting all of the opponents simultaneously on fire– he is somehow left with no alternative but to– you guessed it– stand around looking pissed off?
- What’s with the episodic bubbling clay replacement of his face?
- When the General dude wants to pour the elixir of whatever onto the corpse, and he has to walk across the chamber, climb the stairs, etc. while balancing the little saucer of fluid, why don’t the good guys just bump into him?
- What’s with the yeti?
- Why the elaborate plan to first battle the king and his dudes with guns, then blow up the tower where the diamond is supposed to go? Allegedly this is because blowing up the tower will cause an avalanche, but won’t assault weapon gun play do this as well? Not to mention, what’s wrong with just chopping or shooting off the the delicate little spire atop which the diamond is supposed to sit? Why to they need to blow up the whole tower?
- If the king can control the elements, why does he need to battle his way through the cave to the pool of life? Why can’t he just jet himself out a stream to drink from?
- Why does every single thing that “Absolutely CANNOT happen” happen almost instantly?
- How does the ancient, immortal witch chick have a grown immortal daughter? Does the pool of life eternal youth thingy permit you to grow up to the peak of sexual attraction before the eternity part kicks in?
- The resolution of the stormy father-son relationship after the son must journey to the source of eternal life as the only means of saving his dying, belly-wounded father, and the image of the water of life pouring over him to heal his wounds DID work… In in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, I mean. Here it was so blatantly lifted as to cause me to choke on my popcorn.
There were plenty of other interesting questions raised by this film, and I laughed out loud throughout.
Sadly, it wasn’t a comedy.
But highly recommended if you’re looking to boost your story-telling ego.